It's December and the holidays are rapidly approaching. This year has been a different kind of year for me. I find that my life is changing. My hopes and dreams, my goals for the future, my spiritual values, everything is changing for me. With all these changes I am just having a hard time getting in to the holiday spirit. I love giving gifts. I especially love making things for people. I don't think that will ever change. But the whole decorate the house, bring in a tree, plan parties and a big dinner for the holiday, I'm just having a hard time getting into all of that.
December has always been a hard month for me. My mother's birthday was December 25. During this time of year I miss my family more than the rest of the year. I feel more like an orphan in December than any other month. I miss my children. They all live far away and I rarely get to see them. I don't even know where my oldest two children are any more. Letters started coming back as undeliverable. They have moved and left no forwarding address. And I have moved so they don't know where to find me. This saddens me to no end. I got a holiday card from my daughter. But I probably won't hear from the rest of them at all again this holiday season. That makes me sad.
December brings the beginning of winter. My least favorite season of the year. It is cold and dark. But it is a time for reflection. For going within yourself to take a hard look at your life. It's a time to make changes within yourself. Let go of old painful things and embrace the new. That's a lot of what this year has been about for me. Letting go of the old and embracing the new.
This year has been a real spiritual journey for me. I left the church and christianity over 20 years ago. This year I have made the spiritual journey not back to the god of my childhood but a journey to JAH Rastafari. I am learning a whole new way to look at god. Instead of the god of the iron fist that I grew up with, I have met a God of unconditional love. JAH is teaching me how to live and love unconditionally. I am embracing the path of Rastafari with open arms. I look forward to continuing this journey of One Love, One Heart.
As we go into this holiday season I wish for each of you my friends that you may find that which you are seeking. I wish that you are each able to let go of the things of the past that are holding you back and embrace the new. I wish that your dreams all come true. I wish you peace and happiness.
a seventh (!) birthday
8 hours ago